The idea of PIXIE was born almost five years ago. So much has changed since. I was 22 then. Now, I am 27. I was lost and did not know who I was, or how I could have contributed to this world.
Now, I feel I found my place, slowly, but gradually getting myself accustomed to the feeling that I don’t want to be anywhere else, doing something else. My ‘gypsy mentality’ (if I am not moving, I am failing) has faded, and finally – after years of searching – I am feeling good about my mundane life.
PIXIE took me on a wild journey. I’ve never enrolled in fashion or art school, yet these four years felt like the toughest university I’ve ever attended. My dad always comforts me: “No knowledge comes free, you either pay for school or you pay life for lessons it gives you so lovingly.“
I’ve made many mistakes; I’ve lost on the way. I’ve learned that disappointment is a real thing, in both, myself and others. But I’ve also felt like I’ve emerged from the dust, shaping who I am, evolving and feeling proud of the work I have done and lessons I have learned.
I would not have it any other way around. After all, the calmness and quiet confidence that accompanies this experience is the best feeling in the entire world. It is worth every single penny, every tear, every-absolutely-every-feeling.
Ultimately, what I am learning is that life is “in-the–moment”. Learning to fully enjoy myself “in–the-moment” when I am “blissed out” or in the famous ‘flow’… Or train to brace myself when life is throwing rocks at me [or maybe it’s me..].
Nothing is forever. This is, perhaps, the saddest and most beautiful thing at the same time. The realization of this was the ‘big A-H-A moment’ for me. And I am embracing it. Reminding this to myself every single morning.
I am grateful for the last year – I was lucky to experience a full range of the spectrum, from high to low – my life unfolding so beautiful to me. When I thought I have lost just about everything, I gained just about everything. Funny, right? Every aspect of my life and who I thought I was, needed to die a slow, painful death, so I could become. Becoming is a powerful feeling, and I hope I will never stop. I moved to Berlin, and even though I have lived and loved in several places in my life, Berlin felt magical. Because it was. Berlin was something I manifested from the age of 16 and the first city that just happened, with no resistance. Berlin was also the first place where I arrived with no goal. I remember sitting in a park and for the first time, since I graduated high school back in 2011, retrospectively, asking myself “hey, what have we been doing these past 8 years?“
And so, it began. My genuine and honest way back home, to myself, to my true and authentic being (as silly as it may sound). I promised to never give up on myself.
I am the most fragile flower in my heart while looking like the toughest mountain on the outside (credit goes to my baby [you know who you are] for giving this perfect description). And if there is something I truly want from life at this very moment; it’s to let my guard down and be more of this fragile flower not only inside, but on the outside as well. So here I am, creating this platform as a tool to learning to be more vulnerable.
So, stay tuned – with me and within yourself. Meanwhile, I would like to re-direct you to the “authors“ page, where you can learn more about other women that are my greatest support on this journey.
I hope we’re on the same page.