When I first started learning English (I think, I was in the fourth or the fifth grade… anyway, I was a little girl), our teacher wanted us to learn a song about the little boxes. You know it? This one:
I fell in love with the melody instantly and learned the lyrics by heart. Then, I successfully forgot all about it until one moment in my grown up life brought it back to me.
In order to properly share this moment, I need to provide a glimpse of my own romantic “herstory”. So far – as I never know what surprises await me around the corner – I’ve been romantically involved with various human beings: men and women, philosophers and drivers, theologians and technical workers, twenty-year-olds and sixty-year olds, and so on…
Gradually, I started to feel that my family, as well as the society – are trying to put me in a box.
“Oh, so, you’re a lesbian?” – and long conversations and explanations followed. Moreover, I even indulged in some lectures with an attempt to explain that – to love a woman is not the same, as to love an alien.
Here you go – our minds have boxes for everyone.
If you are a lesbian, please, do not fall in love with a man.
If you are bisexual, it is clear, that you are interested only in sexual acts with both sexes (homophobe’s wet dream).
Later on, I split up with that man – not because he was a man, but because he was an alcoholic.
After few years of freedom, I fell in love with a beautiful woman again, who is now my wife.
Yes, I call her “wife”, not “a partner”, because we actually ARE married and here we are looking at the boxes again.
Although most of my friends haven’t felt surprised and haven’t asked me immature questions, the same can’t be said for the rest of the society: certain acquaintances, some colleagues, and even family etc.
I would like to describe this reaction as confusion.
I think some of us still desperately need boxes: we need to define people often guided by their sexuality. But why?
As humans, we embrace so many other qualities: intelligence, empathy, interests, professional identity, educational-self etc.
Why not use these for ticking the boxes?
Life reveals itself to us as a unique experience. It will always have unclear borders, especially when we discuss something as complex as human nature.
I would like to declare sometimes that God created us all as pansexuals, and it is only up to us who we choose to be, as we walk down the difficult paths of our lives.
This, to my mind, is one of the most important things in life, we should respect our lives and not to put others in boxes.
Because what I am truly sure of is that love has no borders, but we do.
. . .